Why did I do it?

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I have been questioned a few times about why did I get married? Aren’t you too young? How long have you known each other?
I got married because I fell crazy in love with a true gentleman…
End of.  Stories over. Close the book. Well actually don’t close the book that we’ve just opened!
We can make plans together without people making sure we are followed so we don’t get up to mischief  (like that stopped us, mischief is in our blood) so obviously we are taking full advantage of this by visiting family in the February  half term, EXCITED! We get to see the most handsome, cutest little cuddly boys at epic Charlotte’s house and then on to the legendary Julie and Alan’s house where Josh is going to show me more Wolverhampton sights and finally educate me on Wolves chips (I don’t yet know the difference so I’ll let you all know)

Bring on a week with my handsome sexy husband face!!!

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Time!

Time!

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How did she grow up… and be taller than me… not cool

You see I don’t mind growing up, so far I’ve enjoyed it!
I forgot everyone else grows up around me…..
I just took my little baby of a sister prom dress shopping, she has a prom in 5 months which means she will be doing her A levels after the summer. WHAT! Just what.

Prom dress shopping was interesting however, helping her in and out of these random dresses some that look like she’d been swallowed by them and others were stunning but she looked like a little lady. I CANNOT COPE!
Although she is currently sat on her bum not studying for her GCSE’s but we won’t talk about that.

Where does time go? I remember being a bridesmaid with my sister for my auntie Charlotte at the age of 12 and thinking I can stay this age for a while so I can mess around with my siblings and dream of being older and now I’m at the point of looking for mortgages so I can have a house of my own with my husband.
Net alone my sister is practically in her A levels and my brother working 9 to 5 everyday….. can someone slow time down for me!

P.s I didn’t cry!

Chilly happiness!

Chilly happiness!

My job is quite possibly one of the most painstakingly difficult jobs but also one of the most rewarding.
I come home everyday from work frozen, exhausted and ready to curl back up into bed (hence the p.j’s in the photo) Yet, I wouldn’t change it for the world!
It’s good I left this post for today as it was possibly one of the most rewarding.
My blue group at work were just not on the planet (I don’t think they ever are) and after 15 minutes I gave up and declared that after break we will write it as a group and in 15 minutes they’d all shared enough ideas to finish their work…. (kids are funny.)
And lunch, i just need to discuss. I was stood in the hail, rain and almost snow for half an hour so I came in from work with the most massive red nose and numb hands!! I looked like Rudolph (the really red nosed reindeer)
So far I have the loveliest memories from working at Bickleigh one of my favourites is recently a little year 1 stood up in the dinner hall and shouted ‘MRS.MORGAN’ (and I’m still getting used to that) in the loudest voice followed by a thud, thud, thud and then arms wrapped around me *he just melted my little heart* he usually interacts with me on the playground and I always get a cuddle, things like this make my job worth it as it just goes to show that the children like me which helps to remind me that I did deserve the luck I had in being offered a job as a TA after the summer….
I cannot believe I’ve been a TA for 5 month pretty much as long as I’ve been married and I still don’t feel qualified enough to be either…. I’m learning though.
Every tear that’s shed, every heartbreak and every happiness I share with my best friend which makes working as a team a whole lot easier.

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                                Christmas cuddles with my man!

A shocking struggle…

A shocking struggle…

One thing I didn’t imagine to be a struggle was holding off having children…….
It’s literally a challenge some days!

I married the perfect man who gets me water bottles without me asking and gives me my penguin to cuddle when he leaves for work to disguise the fact he’s gone and a man who works so hard for our future, I’m the luckiest and proudest wife around!
So riddle me this..
Why wouldn’t I want to start a family?
This is my daily fight!

But first a house….
We are currently both working as much as we can to raise the funds to get a mortgage for a gorgeous house somewhere that’s ours (I know how grown up am I sounding)
A space of our own that’s safe and eventually a home where we can be surrounded by our children  (I hope to have a few) and loved ones!

But thinking about my 2016 and what I would like from it, where do I begin:
1. A house that we turn into a home
2. To keep falling deeper and deeper into love with my husband
3. Keep searching for a job to fulfil my dream to be a foundation or KS1 teaching assistant
4. NOT TO CRY WHEN MY BABY SISTER LEAVES FOR PROM!!
5. A baby *maybe if funds allow for my potential cravings

I’ll keep you updated with these throughout the year!

Welcoming 2016!

Welcoming 2016!

Over the last 2 weeks I’ve done an incredible amount of thinking and just processing my life.

1. I’ve married a wonderful man who I’m crazy in love with who I will never feel good enough for, that’s okay though because love conquers all. May be, one day even my lack of self confidence.

2. I want a family. It’s crazy the feeling of family you get when you are married then you think oh we could add a 3rd Morgan (but not yet) 

3. The past. I have thought an awful lot about the way my life could’ve turned out.

 From the moment I entered the world my parents never dreamed how hard I would make their life. Like all 1st babies your parents are full of anticipation, excitement, worry and an unconditional love but I just happened to be that much harder. 

At 18 months old I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis, genetically passed on from my mum, I was an enigma. I started walking late because I physically couldn’t  (gratefully I don’t remember any of this.)

From the age of 6 I was in and out of a wheelchair and in and out of hospital. I was barely at school which probably answers why I don’t have many friends and cannot really communicate with people my age…. I started secondary school full time by year 10 (I’d done a few days from years 7 to 9 but that probably all adds up to a month) Yet I came out with grades from A’s to C’s (Okay may be 2 D’s but they don’t count.) You can ask anyone but I don’t ever ‘blow my own trumpet’ so to speak but as I was looking at my GCSE grades I had a moment of pride of when I thought of how little education I really had. 

During year 10 I had the worst thing happen to me that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I lost my support, my best friend and my hospital buddy. For anyone who’s lost their mum at a young age they will understand the feeling you get in your gut when that look is given to youand you just know. I was stood at the front of my school as my dad came to get me we walked out to the car and Boo got out and he just looked at us with such a deep sadness and I broke down there and then it wasn’t real….. I still like to think that she’s in intensive care in derriford now and that she will come back any day but I know the reality! 

This was THE hardest thing I’ve ever experienced but worse was to come I had to become the mum figure. The washing was mine, the cooking was mine, the ironing, the looking after when everyone  is ill, a support and so much more in 24 hours my life changed I took all this on the moment I knew she was gone… I got straight to it looking after everyone making drinks and food if anyone fancied (which no one did.) Then I was back to school in a week to do part of my GCSE and put on that horrible ‘brave’ face and have false people ask how I was and say they were thinking of me….

Every day during my GCSE’s I came home, did seminary, cooked dinner and then cleaned up after, revised or completed my art and the slept….. this was my life and people wonder why I stand up for my siblings, in a stange sort of way I’m there an example of a mother for their teenage stage and it’s hard for someone who’s not even a mother of their own children. 

I continued the same routine through my A levels and came out with 3 C’s

How I will never know

Now I’m still arthritic and struggling but I have a husband who loves meand is the most amazing support, helping me when im having a bad day and being the first person to not say to me that my disease is just ‘laziness’ and I managed to get myself a job…. not just any job my dream job as a TA in a lovely primary school.

I have achieved in my eye’s so much, I know to others what I’ve done is nothing but I hope that one day my siblings can thank me for being a support when they have their own kids and understand what I stepped up to do. However I would never have backed down and left them to fend for themselves…….. 

I wish I could change the past but the only thing I’d change would be to spend so much more time with my mum and be 1 million times more grateful for everything she always did for me. I can only hope I’ve shown that back by the way I have helped to raise my siblings.

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 I am proud of all 3 of us! I don’t think they will ever understand.