How to feel like a total FLOP!

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So you are probably wondering what a flop is…. Basically I’m not allowed to call myself something that rhymes with ‘hailer’ because I will get the most lovely and caring ‘you are not a hailer’ speech from a very caring husband, but I get that a lot more than a person should and try to avoid it (Incase you haven’t worked it out the word is failure)
So why do I feel like a flop, here’s the answer.
My husband can work 10 hours and travel for 2 hours so all together he is out of the house for 12 hours everyday (bar his 2 days off which we make the most of especially now the sun has popped up to say hello) and can still hold a conversation with me everyday he gets home.
Now me on the other hand….. I work for 4 hours a day however yesterday I was asked to be in work all day as we were going on a trip to Tor Bridge high for a war horse day, I was definitely excited about having the chance to work a full day! And the full day was doing art, urm yes please! However I only worked 7 hours with 40 mins travelling and by the time I got home I could barely focus net alone cook food or hold a compus mentus conversation…. I was shattered!
To make it worse I see these mums with babies going back to work after their maternity, so they work and then go home and look after a baby…. HOW? Are these people super hero’s?
If I go back to the ‘hailer’ speech my husband often reminds me that I have arthritis which is just a bit more than the average joey to contend with, but still, more often than not I wish I could work a full time job for years get a butt load of money and a nice house which then we can live in guilt free because I’ve pulled my weight… but at least I have love and that’s help me believe in myself even just a little more!

On a side note the baby chicks at work hatched and have had frequent Hannah cuddles!!!  

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My Ghost

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Once you’ve put all the pieces back together, even though you might look intact, you never were quite the same person you’d been before the fall.

In my case my ghost is my mum! Some one you wish for everyday and even someone you become willing to believe that ghosts are real for, just so you can, for one moment believe they might be standing right next to you… My biggest trial so far was the best day of my life when I married my best friend, and because I’m a girl and watch chick flicks (who doesn’t) I always had, in my head, this innocent idea that I’d have my mum there to help me get dressed, do my hair and just tell me how loved I am but apparently life had other idea’s…. this was 5 and a half years down the line and we are nearly at 6 since she passed away and things are still tricky.
We recently had mother’s day and I still avoid that like the plague, I hate when people all of a sudden declare that their mum is their idol and the greatest human on the planet yet NEVER mentioned them before or worse moaned about them all the time, breaks my heart every year, as I’d kill to have another day with my mum and not just selfishly, for my siblings as well.
I jumped into the substitute mum role 6 years ago with me being 14 and with siblings aged 10 and 12 and I wish everyday they could’ve been raised by their actual mum!!!
Although most ghosts people try and fight this is one ghost I’d stay up for all night to try and find, even if it’s only to say I love you one last time!

Love!

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Love is one of those words you think you understand, first in regards to your parents then maybe a friend a school when you are young and then a boyfriend or girlfriend but you still don’t understand it.

I didn’t get it until I looked my now husband in the eyes on our first date. For the first time I understood love. I even saw love, it was this magical glowing that shone brighter than the sun but it was soft so you could look at it.
Our first date was such an amazing day. I had known Josh for a few weeks and we had spoken in passing (I was far to anamored by him to know how to talk in full sentences) and we started texting a lot I remember how ‘subtle’ he was asking me out.
‘Do you want to go out at some point, on like a date’
Believe it or not that sold me to agree because I thought it was ADORABLE! Then he picked me up from my A level lessons when I finished at 1 and we went for a stroll along the hoe and chatted an awful lot about our lives, how opposite our starts in life were, work, A levels and family…. basically all the vital things on a first date obviously!!
I think we even got onto the topic of babies and didn’t scare either of us off, definitely true love!
I always smile when I think about how lucky I have it and how happy I am to have such a supportive husband who loves me more than anything.

Love is a crazy, wild ride that everyone deserves to enjoy at some point in thir life.