2011

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For most people 2011 was just a year where at the end of it you were just a year older, not for me… It was the year my life was thrown upside down and inside out!
27/04/11 is cemented in my head as the day my mum died…
I was a 14 year old sat in my maths class at 9 in the morning when half way through I got a summons to the school reception, where I met my brother who was so excited about being called out of his lessons, little did he realise he wouldn’t be feeling so excited in 5 minutes time.
I was stood at the front of school in the car park as my dad told me my mum passed away… *stomach drops* I still, to this day, remember that feeling and still get it whenever I drive past my old secondary school.
I don’t think I have ever felt so many emotions!
The whole drive to the hospital was horrible it was just full of tears, denial and then we had these lovely nurses telling us they did all they could and all I could do was thank them. That was the moment it hit me… I have to grow up. Massively. When we left the hospital we came home and it kicked in, I had to look after everyone and be a huge emotional support to my sister so my brave face was on from day one!
One thing that came out of this terrible experience was that I learnt more about family… within a few hours the majority of my family were at the hospital, my auntie travelled down from Frome and our neighbours left flowers outside our door which I broke down at. To this day I have so much more respect in regards to how important my extended family are to me and how they will always be there for me.
It feels strange to be writing this finally after years while sat in the same house and feeling like it only happened yesterday.
I still miss my mum, I miss her more now that I’m getting older as I realise she is missing more and more milestones in all of our lives but I do now how the most caring husband who let’s me break down when I need to and will just hold me. Although 2011 sucked 2016 is massively brighter!

Confusion

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I recently have lived with a huge dilemma.
The husband and I have put an offer down on a gorgeous house and now it’s just a waiting game for us to find out if we have the house or not and we’ve already waited a week which felt like a month! Anyway that’s not the dilemma, the dilemma is if we get this house and the mortgage then we NEED to be financially  stable, Well with both of our wages at the moment we will have plenty of money left over but when we decided to have a baby (not any time soon) I have no idea how my body will react -being arthritic and all that- so having more time off might happen meaning less money and we both want me to be a stay at home mumsie until the little one is at school, then I can work again but that is roughly 4 years…. 4 years with less money, how do people with multiple children afford it! It panics me sick sometimes to think about…. I HATE money and the control it has over people’s lives.
I’m not going to let it stop me from having a home and wonderful child/children with my husband as it’s what we want!!!
Needless to say I’m excited and scared about what the next year or so might hold for the both of us….