Guilt

Recently I have been feeling a little  (by which I mean massively) guilty!
I wanted to be a mum from the start so when I found the man of my dreams it was only natural that eventually we’d end up with a child of our own *if we were able, we never assumed that we had a right to a child, children are gifts and I’m learning that even more now. 

Any who I fell pregnant and had a really easy first trimester, I wasn’t sick, I was just very tired and I’m tired all the time anyway so that wasn’t a massive shock and then HELLO second trimester I ended up in hospital for the first half of November with swollen lungs… here is where the guilt kicks in!

I had no idea I was going to get poorly, which would put a strain on baby. I’m not half as healthy as I should be carrying my baby and this breaks my heart more and more everyday! 

I feel guilty as a parent because I’m supposed to look after my child and keep them safe and I feel like all I have done is the complete opposite but also on a selfish level had I have known I don’t know if I would have got pregnant anyway as “it can’t be that bad” but also “I couldn’t do that to a baby” 

I don’t regret this baby in the slightest, if anything I’m in awe over how strong my baby is and I cannot believe what the little one has withstood but I still cannot help feeling like the world’s worst parent!!!!