In the last 48 hours my life has become even tougher.
I’m living off my oxygen, I literally don’t think it’s been off me for any longer than 5 minutes while its refilled and I am using a wheelchair to get to the toilet or to get some food… this is a whole new low and has left me feeling completely rock bottom.
I have, so far, survived nearly 3 months of this torture, not being able to breath, being poked, prodded, filled with all manner of drugs and putting baby through so much for me to officially be poorlier NOW than I was in hospital! WHY?
I have tried so hard to remain as positive as possible but I have finally hit the barrier of I can take it no more and then something kicked me (really hard) from inside and made me jump but also made me think that my tiny little 25 week baby is battling just as much as I am… already our miracle baby is already stronger than me and has had to put up with a mum who has had so many negative thoughts over the last few days and been saying things like ‘I can’t do it’ or ‘I give up’ or even ‘it’s not worth it’
Miracle baby is still here because I’m here! Don’t get me wrong I am shattered, ill, fed up and definitely hours away from throwing in the towel but because if our baby and the incredible support of my husband I have to dig even deeper and find some strength from somewhere for both of them.