Ashamed 

Today I have hit my absolute rock bottom and I’m ashamed to be me…
My gorgeous girl smiles at me with the biggest smile and all I feel is guilt, sadness and ashamed!! 

I was given another chance to breastfeed her, I put my all into! I drank and ate so much everyday I thought I was going to pop and Lydia worked hard to make my supply what she needed and now it’s been taken away…. it’s like the doctors don’t understand were human… I now have to feed her as well as somehow decrees my supply again or even get rid of it (I’ve not yet decided) without getting poorly! Gee thanks and I won’t even get started on the emotional side of breastfeeding! 

I’m ashamed of myself…. The one thing I wanted to do for her and I can’t, all I’ve done is let her down! Again! 

I’m pretty much useless and I’m sorry about that baby girl! 

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2 thoughts on “Ashamed 

  1. Hannah you do not have the luxury of this kind of thinking. You have a daughter who needs her mum to be there for her. If that means you have to make the decision to switch to formula feeding so your health improves so you are strong enough to give Lydia all the care she will need as she grows. This is a hard decision but in no way is it a failure. Its a way to move forward in getting home with Lydia. You have tried so hard now you need to use your energy wisely. Do not beat yourself up you have stuck in there through the worst any parent can go through and there you are still standing next to your little girl. You’ll get past this i know you will. The Drs don’t know everything and need to stay detached so they can present you with the best possible way to get home and live a normal family life. Xxx

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