We need to intubate and paralyse her as she’s working so hard to breath. 
Oh hello sentence that knocked me off my feet, well hello day that knocked me off my feet. 

Today started off like any other morning with a ward round however there was an old familiar face who was Vicky Olson who looked after me, from a respiratory side of things from 14 years old, and here we are full circle as she looks after Lydia. She could see Lydia was struggling a lot so wanted to help her but in the space of an hour we went from safe in Derriford to being told that Bristol children’s hospital want her asap.

We were given a few hours to go home and get some clothes in a bag and just generally be ready to travel before the watch team arrived. They wanted to transport her on a cpap face mask however she got too distressed and they decided that if not now then they would probably need to intubate in the ambulance on route. They were am amazing team who warned us that she would have a tube down her mouth and an extra tube out of her other nostril, however before I even saw her I was in floods of tears, the tubes were horrible don’t get me wrong but the main thing that upset me was the sedation. She was just a body lying there staring…. I cried, I just cried until I was out of tears. I was guilty, I was sad but most of all I blame myself for what she’s gone through. Right now the doctors think she’s has ILD which cannot be passed on generically, however my mum had it and so do I…

I hurt my baby! 

The next step of the journey was horrible as she was in an ambulance and we were in the car. I was clinging to my phone like my life depended on it just to know if she was safe and well still… I felt sick the whole way there 

When we arrive they’d already decrease the rock with the plan to get her off the ventilation and finally at 1am we had somewhere to stay for the night and we were both so shattered that we we were knocked out until morning (well I still kept waking up but I was used to Lydia waking me up so my body is still in mummy mode) 

She knows how to panic us!! 


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