Lunchtime

I cried. I won’t lie to you. I picked up her lunch bowl and left her in her high chair to sob in the kitchen for a few moments and then proceded to clean the tiny one up and sit her on the carpet and resume the afternoon.

Why was I crying? Well…

I’ve been trying to get Lydia to eat since she was in Bristol, we’ve had our ups and downs but she’s always been able to have bits of puree.

Since getting home from Derriford my patience has truly been tested as she will sit in her chair and moan, or vomit or, my personal favourite, flatly refuse. This has driven me BANANAS! I’m trying to help her but she doesn’t understand… It’s the phrase ‘You can lead her to the water but you cannot make her drink’. That is the anthem of my life. I puree our leftover dinner. I find funky fruits for her to taste and she either refuses or throws up as soon as anything toucher her lips… GAHH

Don’t get me wrong there are times when small amount end up in her mouth, I’m not blind to that but it’s not enough to sustain her.

This might sound like a silly complaint but Lydia is NG fed 6 times a day, every 3 hours. This is quite debilitating for us as getting out the house without forgetting anything is rather tricky. This is then partnered with sever reflux. If she’s moved anywhere up to an a hour and a half after a feed, she will throw THE WHOLE FEED UP! Everywhere… to the point that we have ‘sicky bowl’ EVERYWHERE with us. Its unfair for her to live that way. Shes garanteed to be sick twice a day and it’s upsetting for all of us. Especially when she pulls a Lydia special and throws her NG up at the same time….

Now back to lunchtime. That’s why I get so upset about lunchtime because if she eats orally, she’s not sick and shes my happy girly all day. Her taking food will change her life and i believe that. I like to think of myself as someone with faith and after all we’ve been through I’ve learnt all to well that everything has a time, a place and a reason. It may completely suck at the time but you’ll look back and see why it happened and see you are stronger for it. I love my husband even more than that I did before the last year (I didn’t think it was possible) I really do and I know my daughter is a blessing and I cherish every beautiful God given moment with her.

Right now lunchtime is a blip in our life. Something that is teaching me patience (I know right as if I could possibly have anymore) and I can only hope that one day all my tears and prayers will pay off!

P.s I gave myself 2 days to calm down before writing this because initially I was not this calm and I was just pretty fed up and angry!

P.p.s The photo was a rare moment where she enjoyed some chocolate post Easter (Don’t worry she barely ate any of it)